We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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