I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
