he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
