yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
