Can i not drive my cunt home
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
