I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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