to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
