u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
