How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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