What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
