in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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