I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
