So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
