i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
