so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
