This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
