i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
