How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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