btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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