new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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