I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
