you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
