I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Terrible idea I love it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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