Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
