I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
