i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
