he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
