I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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