they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
