I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
