Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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