I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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