so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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