you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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