Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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