I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
