Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
