Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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