The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
