I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
