I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
