Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
