Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
