Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
