i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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