Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need water and some morals
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Never joke about your clitoris.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
