Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
