there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
