I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
