He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
