Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
