naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
