my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
