it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
