in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
