Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize