These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We smell like vodka and hangover
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
