at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
