well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
