i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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