who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
