thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
