I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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