He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let's get the cat blown out
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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