I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
