i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
