Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
