I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
