If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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