everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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