dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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